Understanding Laura

I am a crunchy oddball with too many ideas and too little time. Do you get me now?

Monday, May 22, 2006

Mortality

I've been feeling...mortal today. I've been in denial about how much time I have to say
"I love you."
"I miss you."
"I need you."
"I'm sorry."

I think today, for no particular reason, made me realize that I've been living in the now. The now is fantastic, but I have to wonder how long now is going to last.

Will I get one last chance to tell those that deserve it
"Thank you. I mean it."?


There's no guarantee.

And blogging about it doesn't really solve the problem.

I think I may have just figured out what triggered this crushing feeling of finality. I was watching a television program, Medium. One of my all-time favorites. The season finale, actually. And my husband runs downstairs, full of excitement. He starts talking to me even before he can see me. He shouts,

"Wanna hear the worst joke in the world? A baby seal..."
Me, "Hey! I'd love to! But not right now! My show! Shhh!"

A deflated Brian makes his way back up the stairs and I go back to my show. Three minutes later, my show has ended, and I wander upstairs. I am feeling such deep remorse. I try to cleanse myself of the yucky feelings by sitting in the office and saying,

"Ok, I'm ready to hear the worst joke in the world."

Brian no longer wants to share it with me.

When did television become so important to me, that it has the authority to override anything Brian might want to say to me? Now, granted, he DID want to tell me the WORST joke in the world. It wasn't anything important or life-altering. But I chose this television program over him.

How did I come to this point?
Why do I allow TV to govern my life?
Is there a tv-addicts anonymous I can join?

5 Comments:

  • At 11:00 PM, Blogger Chaser's world said…

    You wrote in my post that u where sry for being grumpy. I'm telling you agin you dont have to be. And as far as the whole tv thing goes... it happens to the best of us. I did that same thing with my mommy on sat. You may remember. We where watching house. and insted of walking to the other room to finish my conversation, i ended it. later when i called my mom back i relized what i did. I know the fealing.

     
  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger RuthieMom2 said…

    Oh Laura Michelle, mortality is a gift and life is about all these moments. Life is like a puzzle, the pieces of our puzzle we gather along the way. Some we gather in friendship, some we gather in joy and love and unfortunately - some we gather by making mistakes. But that's one of the cool parts of this mortal life. We all have the capacity to recognize our errors and we each have the capacity to forgive others of their errors, too.

    That's what so sweet about you, Laura. You scatter happy pieces of the puzzle for us to gather and make our own puzzles more complete. Your relationship with Brian is a great work in progress and knowing Brian loves you and you love him, makes it much easier for us to live so far away from you. We know you two love each other bunches and forgive each other of your 'mortality'.

    Thanks for being mortal! Thanks for sharing your mortalness. Thanks for loving us enough to share!

    Have a great mortal day. I love you :)

    p.s. Who is Chaser? He/she sounds like a great mortal, too!

    p.s. again. TIVO - that lets you enjoy your favorite shows and enjoy your mortal life as it happens! Love you!

     
  • At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Emily said…

    If it makes you feel any better, I've caught myself doing the same thing to Jacob. He really wanted to cuddle and i was busy and scheduling the whole evening around going to my sister's to watch the GG episode my sister had taped for me. Then I had to remember what was important. Speaking of which, Jacob's wanting my attention right now, maybe I should get off the computer... :)

     
  • At 10:24 PM, Blogger BusyMaMa said…

    ruthie! you have a blog! need help posting???

     
  • At 10:20 AM, Blogger Heather said…

    Don't worry with being a mother and a wife there will be so many screw ups where you may overlook their thoughts or feelings. It happens to the best of us. You have to get past the those moments and look towards and try making the good happen. They will come and they will definetly outweigh the human mistakes that definetly don't define us.Cause we don't choose to let them, we can realize what we have done and our weaknesses.

     

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