Thirty-Three Weeks

I've been having contractions off and on since 10:00 yesterday morning. When I got to work, I threw up almost immediately. I had terrible pain in my abdomen when I went to the hospital. The contractions weren't strong enough to make me scream, but some were strong enough to make me catch my breath. They gave me a shot to stop the contractions. The side effects were a racing heart and shaky hands. I felt like I'd overdosed on diet pills. I cried because, even though the pain was gone, I didn't feel like I had control over my own actions. Apparently, I bit Brian's hand. Not hard enough to draw blood. But hard enough for him to comment on it once I'd stopped flipping out. I don't remember biting his hand. After the shot wore off, I felt good for about twenty minutes before the contractions started again. They checked my cervix. I was 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated. They gave me another shot. Same thing; scary shakies for an hour and then the contractions came back. Before they sent me home, they checked again. She said "You're not quite at 2 cm." So I was still at 1 cm and still 50% effaced. They sent me home with some anti-anxiety pills that are supposed to help you calm down enough to sleep. I was wary about taking the pills. I don't know why. But Tora (my midwife) said I should take them. I took them and my contractions stopped for half an hour. When they started up again, I didn't feel so stressed about them. Actually, the contractions made me laugh. Those were some good pills. I went to sleep, still contracting, and only woke up for the really bad ones. I woke up at 9:30 this morning with no contractions. I've been thinking long and hard about the decision to go back to work or not. I still hadn't decided when Brian came home for his lunch. I went in to work to talk to Meaghan and Sarah about it. In the first fifteen minutes of my being there, my contractions started again. Whether or not they started because I was up and out of the house or just because they were going to start again no matter what I did, it was a sign for me. I made my final decision while I was sitting in the tiny-sized chair in room 151. I decided that having an early baby was not worth having my credit card paid off a few months early. I felt terrible as I walked out of room 151. I hate to leave my friends without a pot to piss in. But what help am I to them if I can't even bend down to wipe a kid's nose without contracting? Especially since the contractions are obviously doing something, however slowly. I can only hope that they find someone quick to fill my spot so that Meaghan and Sarah don't have to suffer for very long. I'm still contracting even as I type this. I'm hoping this is all just Braxton-Hicks and not a prelude to active labor.

I'm only thirty-three weeks, afterall.