Understanding Laura

I am a crunchy oddball with too many ideas and too little time. Do you get me now?

Monday, March 05, 2007

100 Things About Laura You'll Wish You Never Knew

I realized that my blog has become a one-way train that smacks you in the face with all things concerning baby. Boring! So, I wanted to remind everyone that I am a person who is multi-dimensional. I'm pulling a page from Julie's Blog and listing 100 things about me.

1. My name is Laura.
2. Laura is pronounced Law-Rah. Not Lor-uh.
3. Up until about three years ago, I'd cringe every time someone pronounced my name incorrectly.
4. Now I don't even notice and often introduce myself as "Laura or Lora. Whatever works for you!"
5. I've been married for 3 years and 2 months.
6. I barely graduated from high school.
7. I have no foreseeable plans for continuing my education.
8. I obsess daily over whether or not something I said was taken in a way it wasn't meant.
9. I'm an incredibly sensitive person...
10. But only after you tell me I've wronged you.
11. I'm blind to other people's emotions unless they're pointed out to me.
12. I don't know why.
13. I will always wonder.
14. I spend countless hours filling shopping carts on websites, only to empty them and feel completely satisified with my version of window shopping.
15. I have buyers' remorse...
16. Even with groceries.
17. I return small items...all. the. time.
18. I run a mean budgeting system with my favorite program, Excel.
19. I try to convert everyone who'll listen to my way of budgeting.
20. I think about numbers all day long.
21. I have a ridiculous amount of crap memorized.
22. Ask me what my best friend in fourth grade's phone number was. I know it.
23. I like people to ask my advice.
24. I don't like it when my advice steers people wrong.
25. If my advice steers someone wrong, I'll avoid talking to that person AT ALL until I think they've forgotten.
26. I never think people forget.
27. I have delusions that all people are as weird as I am.
28. And then I get slammed back to earth when someone points out how different I really am.
29. And I really am. Different.
30. But I'm used to me.
31. I want another baby one day.
32. I most likely won't have one.
33. I love kids, but I think the world is straining under our population as it is.
34. I feel tremendous personal guilt for that.
35. I didn't give birth to 6.6 billion people.
36. But I probably won't have another baby because of that guilt.
37. I'm complicated.
38. I wander through life feeling like I make no sense to anyone.
39. I like to think I'm pretty cool.
40. In junior high, I was fat, smelly, and totally unaware of either fact.
41. I hear about a disease and convince myself I have it.
42. Only my husband can make me believe otherwise.
43. I love to do laundry.
44. I'm not joking.
45. I get a thrill when I see the magic results of Oxiclean and hard labor.
46. I own more tupperware than is reasonable.
47. I am always hot.
48. I tend to go with the flow.
49. I avoid confrontation.
50. I will confront only when confronted.
51. Or if I think I'll never see you again.
52. Or if I have had an enormous amount of time to stew.
53. I broke up with my boyfriend in seventh grade because he tried to kiss me on the cheek.
54. I own a sewing machine.
55. I cannot sew.
56. I take on craft projects when I possess no crafting abilities.
57. I don't like to feel indebted to anyone.
58. I would rather be "ahead of the game" and have you owe me one.
59. My favorite color is green...yellow...pink...orange... I never can decide.
60. I razz my husband about not knowing my favorite color.
61. I don't think he knows that I don't know.
62. I rub my feet against my husband's legs while trying to fall asleep.
63. I considered that I may have Restless Leg Syndrome...
64. Nope. I just like the shade of red his face turns upon noticing that the rubbing hasn't stopped.
65. I like to push people's buttons.
66. Especially Brian's.
67. I have no tolerance for being the butt of a practical joke.
68. I've been known to end friendhsips over a joke gone wrong.
69. I've had a Mike and Ike dropped in my plumbers' crack while doing a pedicure in nail school.
70. I didn't talk to the offender for two days.
71. When I finally did, our friendship was never the same.
72. I have joined multiple online groups.
73. I want desperately for people to come to my house and spend hours chatting.
74. I leave the TV on in hopes of tricking my subconscioius into thinking there are people in the house.
75. I have seven siblings.
76. I don't know what "quiet" is.
77. I can't stand to be alone.
78. I even like company when I pee. (Thank you Zoe!)
79. I have relentless insomnia.
80. I do my best writing when sleep-deprived.
81. I once painted our bathroom in the middle of the night while Brian was sleeping. I seriously went out to WalMart and bought paint, curtains, towels, rugs, wall art, and a shelving unit. I stayed up all night and revamped our bathroom while Brian slept. He woke up and asked me what I was doing. I answered, "Painting our bathroom." He said, "Ok." And went back to sleep. That's how unimpressed he was by my behavior.
82. I can't bake chocolate chip cookies.
83. I really, honestly, can NOT. I've tried. I've failed. I've climbed right back up on the cookie-making bandwagon. I've fallen flat on my face every time.
84. I hate that I have fallen behind on my "Thank you" cards.
85. I used to be on top of it!
86. I can't sleep with pants on.
87. I hate socks on my feet.
88. I've had cellulite since I was 10.
89. I've had fat girl boobs since the same age.
90. I am no stranger to dieting.
91. Even at my thinnest, I feel like a whale crammed into a tube top.
92. I thought I couldn't come up with 100. Once you start, it's hard to stop.
93. I confess my sins to Terra.
94. I think writing a well-deserved, politely-worded email informing a company of misdeeds is a "sin". I would likely call Terra in a panic right after I clicked the send icon.
95. I'm a passive driver.
96. I've been in 8 car accidents.
97. All were my fault in one way or another.
98. My license was not suspended on a technicality.
99. I love the DMV.
100. I sleep with a fan, a humidifer, a night light, the window open, and my feet sticking out of the blankets at the bottom.

6 Comments:

  • At 2:08 AM, Blogger Staci Banner said…

    Because of you it bugs me when people say Lor-uh. And when people say Mar-duh instead of Mar-ta...and Mar-din instead of Mar-tin. lol. I remember our time buying water babies and all the accesories...then taking them back 2 days later. I love it!! I don't remember you being fat or smelly...ever... I LOVE #61 I laughed super hard. Awesome post Laura. It makes me miss you tons!

     
  • At 5:29 AM, Anonymous Auntie Em said…

    I'm pretty proud of myself because I knew most of the things on that list! Especially the middle of the night room rearranging! I'm not stranger to that! Mwuah! Love ya! Wish I could come over and chat for hours on end! :)

     
  • At 3:02 PM, Blogger MartaMolly said…

    Well, Miss Laura,
    I seem to remember that you became an insomniac at age 4 months, at least that's the earliest I can recall. You come by your late night cleaning escapades honestly, Nonny and yours truly... Although I must say I have adjusted a bit in my mature years, thank goodness...there is hope for you! You may find as you age that you are more like your mother than you want to be...sorry for all the lousy stuff, but what is normal to me is way off planet earth for most. So it goes...
    I love every aspect of your beautiful character, every wit of your logic and every smidgen of you! So unique, so amazing, so fiercly loyal, indcredibly bold and tender to a fault. Hey! You know, you might have been happy as a mathmatician, no think about it... A place for everything and everything in it's place...oh and how you love music too, that is so all about numbers.
    I love you baby girl!

     
  • At 7:47 PM, Anonymous Terra Gudgel said…

    I love it! Ummm....and I'm sorry but I really want to drop a mike and ike down your crack, but I don't want it to change things with us...think about it?

     
  • At 6:17 AM, Anonymous heather said…

    I hate being alone too and check email too often. You do so much better than me on diets. You may gain a lot, but you always lose a lot too. You are so much better at organizing your thoughts and the way that they flow. It takes much editing for me to get it right.

     
  • At 4:36 PM, Anonymous Auntie Em said…

    Your wish is my command darling!

     

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