Understanding Laura

I am a crunchy oddball with too many ideas and too little time. Do you get me now?

Friday, December 16, 2005


I'm in the mall, keeping my sister-in-law company whilst she has her hair colored, when I get a DEVASTATING phone call from Brian.

His leave has been denied.

I have no words. No way to describe the agony. I feel like I'm in a greek tragedy. I need CPR, mouth to mouth, first aid, a hefty shot of adrenaline.

At first, I think,

"What a terrible prank to play on a lovesick and LONELY woman!
My husband is the meanest old man in HISTORY!"

So, I double-check. Kidding, he is not. I cry. I sob. I sink to a squatting fetal position in the Layton Hills mall.

People are walking by, their stares are more than intrusive. They're concerned, sure. I mean, I look like I've just been told my lungs are going to turn to stone in the next five minutes.

Brian has to go. He's going to try to "straighten this all out."

I've already absorbed the idea that I won't see him until FEBRUARY. I call my mother in law (Brian's step-mom). I can't explain why I called her first. She is just so compassionate. And she knows how to fix my problems. Not all of them. But the ones concerning Brian, usually. I think it's because she's married to Jim who is a LOT like Brian. Also, she grew up in the military. She calms me down, assures me that we will find SOME way to get me out to Mississippi. I stop sobbing.

When she has to go, I call my MY mom.

And the crying resumes.

I tell her in my best "I need my mommy" voice the whole story about how Brian forgot to fill in TWO boxes on his form of leave-request. And that his chances were basically nill that he'd be home before February. She reassures me that she will help me find SOME way to get out there to see him... at least for our anniversary, if not Christmas. I stop crying again.

Well, my cell phone battery dies, so I am unaware that my mom-in-law has told Jim (Brian's dad) about all of this. Jim calls Brian up and lays into him for not filling out the form correctly. At least, that's how Brian describes it when I call him back using my sister-in-law's phone.

He tells me there's a chance he can get his leave back. Apparently, if a leader has any airmen staying behind on Christmas exodus, they tally up the totals. The leader with the most airmen has to work through Christmas exodus. So his leader wants to get him HOME.

Yay leader!

He signs the leave-request form after Brian fills in the forgotten boxes and Brian's leave is back!

I get to see him for Christmas!
All joy is returned.

And then comes the silly married-life peevish anger.

You forgot to fill in a SILLY box!
No more important documents for you, Mister!

Of course, I don't say it that mean. But the sentiment is there. Think, mother who just found her lost child, kind of frantic anger. I'm not really angry at him. But I was a bit annoyed at how worried he got me. And the fact that he blamed his dad's 15 minute convo on ME! Geesh!

Crisis averted.
I am my joyful self, once more.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Leering-Lewd-Monkey Lamp Disaster

ice cream
caramel syrup
whipped cream
chocolate syrup
peanut butter globs
maraschino cherries

THIS is what I crave two HOURS past my bedtime!

I am going to be grumpy tomorrow! Grumpy and bloated!

But it's oh-so-worth-it!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Back in the saddle

It feels like forever since I posted last. Well, it HAS been forever. It's daunting the task of posting all that has ocurred in the past two weeks. And the longer I put it off, the more there was to post. This was making the task seem that much more impossible. So, here it is, the condensed version of my life over the past two weeks.

-Mr. Talky McTalkerson clearly does not understand iPod snubbing. He just talks LOUDER! Only when I closed my eyes and tuned him out did he finally leave! And then, he circled the track, waving every time he passed me on my eliptical trainer! There is NO escape!
-Tara is gone, out of state. She hasn't called me. I haven't called her. We left things on huffy terms. Who knows when we'll talk again.
-I'm back on track with Weight Watchers after a disastrously delicious Thanksgiving holiday. I am at 139.4, bringing my total weight loss to 20.6 lbs.
-They've upped the ($) attached to plasma donation. Tomorrow, I begin selling a small portion of my body in order to pay for Christmas. I brought it on myself since I can't hold down a job and go to school. I'm lost without Brian.
-I tapped into my creative stock and found that I draw a killer version of myself nude. I kid you not. I have skill. But only at drawing myself in the buff. Ask me to draw anything else and it comes out as warped as a sketch from my childhood.

(I'll spare you the image.)

This concludes the ultra-condensed version of Laura in a can.