Addict

Everyday, I wake up and say to myself,
"I can live without caffiene."

EVERYDAY.

And everyday, like the addict I am, I find SOME way to get it into my system. Pills, soda, energy drinks, chocolate... I know where to get the goods.

It's the only way I feel half human! And believe me, society appreciates my falling off the bandwagon on a daily basis. The world has seen me sans caffiene and it ain't pretty.

That said, a rather annoying woman at work was going on and on about how "If you just cut out the soda, you'd lose ten pounds!"

What is it with me and attracting people who want to blab about their opinions on losing weight??? I happen to think my weight loss plan works for me! Are these people trying to tell me I need to reevaluate? That seems entirely absurd, but I can't think of another reason that these people (There are MORE than two, only two have annoyed me enough to post about it.) feel compelled to tell me what I need to change about my dieting habits.

I'm reading too much into her comments, I'm sure. Maybe I'm obsessed with how much I weigh or what I look like? Is that vibe oozing out of me? And people feel the need to correct the girl with the eating disorder? Save her before it's too late? Phooey!

It doesn't help that this woman possesses a personality about ten times as abrasive as mine. I'm definitely above average on the curve chart of abrasiveness. I'm not the easiest person to get along with. I'll openly admit that. I just don't dish out the same tolerance for annoying qualities that I expect for my own.

I quit my job. For the second time.

And for the second time, I've resended my notice! Will I ever leave? This job sucks me into it's swirling portal of pain! And I let it!

This time around I was SURE that when I quit, I really was going to have a last day.

What happens when we move to Alaska? Am I going to commute? That's one bitch of a commute! And hardly worth the wages I receive.

One day I'll get up the nerve to completetly depend on my husband's income. I think I'm just so scared of taking that leap into unemployment. I can't remember a time when I didn't provide my own source of income.

Who hasn't been sitting neighbor children since they were 11?

And it's not that I like my job. I tolerate it...on good days...well, really only on payday. But not working seems so foreign!

What would I do with my time? Has my addiction spread? Do I work to fulfill the same need that caffiene fills for me? I wonder if having a job makes me feel half human...