Happiness

So, my bestest friend is tying the knot.

I'm so thrilled for her!

I'm so sad I can't be there. I've pretty much always known the day would come when she would be getting hitched and I wouldn't be able to attend. Now, I DO live in Alaska, which puts us at a geographical disadvantage. But the religious differences between us will be the reason that we've both known for a long time that I wouldn't be there for her actual wedding.

This makes me sad because she was my wingman, my go-to gal, my maid of honor.

When we were in high school, we'd always talk about how we'd both be such integral parts of the other's wedding days. And she was there for me.

I know it's silly, but I feel like I let her down.

I'm all about personal choice. We both made choices that are the best for us.

It's a bittersweet thing.

I'm so happy that she'll have all she wants in life. I'm happy she's found the perfect guy! And I'm super happy that she's so confident in the path she's taken to get her where she is.

I think we both know how sad it feels to be apart for this big moment in her life. But she'll be surrounded by her family, of course. And her new best friend will be right by her side. (Not that I'm feeling replaced! But there's a bond between husband and wife that is nothing like what you get from your best girlfriend!) I love that she has such a strong conviction in her faith.

I really am so proud of her.

I think we both know we won't be talking about this slightly sensitive subject in the near future. I just needed somewhere to write about it. Someone who wasn't my mom or my husband to maybe read this and just get it. I don't want reassurance or sad sighs or "I told you so's." I just needed to get it out.

Funny thing is, she's the only person I know who reads this.

Maybe I just want her to know I love her. And I'm happy for her. And I couldn't imagine a better life for my best friend.